Looking back and stepping gently in to the new year

Well, hi there. Happy New Year.

I hung up my new calendar on Friday, just one day into the new year. We traveled home from Colorado on New Year's Day, arriving a little weary, but gratefully, at nine p.m. I have spent the last few days getting the house in order, doing copious loads of laundry, reacquainting myself with my kitchen (including a deep clean of the refrigerator) and settling in to the new year. Right now, the girls are upstairs getting ready for their second day back at school while Fatty is dressing for a day at work. I'm on my second cup of coffee and have a running metal list of all the things that need attending to today. I'm too lazy at the moment to put it on paper so chances are that I will forget something.

As is natural when the calendar page reads January, I have been thinking quite a bit about the last year and the year to come. I don't spend much time dwelling - no regrets here - but I do think about how I can change and adapt to be a better version of myself. Some years it is clear cut - I know exactly in which direction to head. Other years, it's a bit fuzzy. 2014 was one of those years - fuzzy all around - which has left me feeling like I am still in a bit of a cloud. It's hard to explain the feeling I had for most of the year. I felt like I was waiting (for what, I am not sure) and adjusting to small changes constantly. It was a year of reaction versus a year of action. While that may not sound too good, I am good with it. Again, no regrets.

I made a lot of things. And most of them did not make it to the blog. There were quilts and clothes undocumented. I did put most of them on instagram as I worked on them, but I also wish I would have taken the time to get out the big camera for photos and to sit and write about them in this space. This is something that I want to change in 2015 - more blogging! But, on a positive note, I am very happy that most of the clothes I did sew get worn often. That I consider a huge win.

Of course, I also did a lot of work that wasn't shared here or on IG that was for the book that I was working on for most of the year. Nine months of working on it and, in the end, my publisher and I decided not to publish it. Maybe that deserves a post of its own - I'm not sure. Regardless of my initial disappointment, I don't regret putting the work in and I don't regret the decision to let it go. I know it was the right decision for many reasons.

2014 was the year that I taught my first few quilting classes. Along with a friend, I also taught sewing to a group of 8th graders from Kate's school. It turns out that I enjoy teaching! It is so much fun. I really felt in my element when I could share my skilss with others and loved seeing things click for people. I hope there are more teaching opportunities in 2015.

In the spring, I went to Sew Down in Nashville. It was a great weekend away, with like minded quilters, in which I was able to connect with longtime friends, meet some new ones and learn from some amazing teachers. Likewise, in October, I traveled to the Catskills for a creative weekend with Heather Ross and Denyse Schmidt. Again, it was great to make real life connections with other creative people. I thoroughly enjoyed both of these experiences and cannot wait for more of them in 2015. QuiltCon!!!

Personally, I spent a lot of my time trying to manage my time and schedule. I did not expect that when Jane started high school, I would be the one who had a hard time adjusting. Two kids and two schools means splitting my time in a way I haven't had to before. It also means a whole lot more driving and awkward phone calls to parents I don't know every time there is a social event or sleepover. The extra driving did bring about the return of carpool and waiting room knitting so that was a win. But, still, I think one of my biggest challenges is finding the balance between letting the girls sink or swim. It's hard to watch them struggle even a tiny bit, but I know that they need to spread their wings at the same time. I guess that's parenthood, right?

I often choose a guiding word for the year, but so far I have come up empty handed. What I truly want for 2015 is to let go and just live my best, to surrender to love and light, to be present in all I do, to enjoy the moment instead of worrying or thinking about what is to come, to work on the things that bring me joy. Is there a word for that? If so, I'm at a loss as to what it would be. But, I do think that somewhere through the clouds, there is a path. I'm going to try to follow it, one foot in front of the other.