Yesterday I never got to my want-to list.
It was a bad parenting afternoon. The kind where they aren't cooperating with me and I am letting them know it and it does none of us any good. I was in a pitiful state by the end of the day and most of it was my own doing. I feel like I am failing my daughters, that they need more from me, but I don't know how to give it, or more precisely, what exactly to give.
Sometimes I worry that I give the impression that it's all bright and shiny here, that there are always pretty things to look at and that I have no worries. I admit that I put my best face on when I am in this space. I try to keep a positive outlook here because negative thinking really gets me nowhere. Well, nowhere good, that is. Life is life, however – there are ups and downs, good days and bad. And I am not exempt. I have my struggles, too.
Today is my good thing is that it is a new day. I get to start fresh. I can focus on my children and try to parent them in a way that works for all of us. It's a have-to and a want-to – top of the list in both categories. If I can end the day on a good note, with everyone cared for and happy, I'll call it a success. If not, I'll try again tomorrow. And again the day after that.
Good for you. There are no perfect parents, we’re all just giving it our best shot everyday.
Every day is new- At least we’ve got that going for us.
I hope today is sunnier than yesterday, Erin.
Hugs.
We all have those days, no matter how well we can manage most of the time.
The fact that you are even making these observations tells me that you are a great Mom. Because you care.
Have a wonderful new day!
I don’t know if you read Superhero Journal but the other day Andrea posted a story about how her son Ben had as seizure. She began by saying that some stories need to be told over and over and that in the retelling they loose some of their charge. That’s how I’ve begun to feel about my struggles with parenting. For me, simply focusing on the positive moments feels artificial when there are so many moments aren’t that. As with so many things, it’s about balance. The good and the bad…there can’t be one without the other. The good becomes all the better when the bad is acknowledged rather than simply assumed, and the bad looses some of potency in the process.
Thank you for your heartfelt honesty. I feel as though I could have written your blog about me and my boys. I woke this morning with a desire not to yell today. I also started a blog directing me to focus on a grateful heart attitude. I honestly couldn’t imagine parenting without forgiveness and a new start each day.
lifeinevverybreath.blogspot.com
hang in there!
Fresh starts are a very very good thing. We’ve all had mama days like that one. I know I have many!
Big hugs, friend.
oh dear. you know I’m not a parent, and don’t have any experience to draw on, but I know that everyone has those days, and you just move on. You’re not failing them. You’re doing your best and so are they and sometimes things just break down, but you keep going. Everything in this life is an experiment, I think, for each of us as individuals. You know?
You’re so right, today is a new day. And at least there are new days.
Hug
Well said, Erin. I think we’re all in the same boat š
Amen on the everyday is a new day title! Thank the Lord for that and pass me a margarita.
Its been a rough one aroud here too. Its the 3rd week of papa being gone, which is always hell. Hang in there mama, and I’ll do the same.
That’s all we can do, is try and try some more. Life is great like that…always a new day to start over. Hugs.
((HUGS))
I know exactly how you feel. Maybe some of it is us adjusting to #3 around here, but I dont know. I definetly worry that I am not being the best parent I can be.
I dont have any answers, but I wanted to say I know how you feel.
I just wanted to share that I recently discovered your blog and I love it! The look is great, but your photos as well as sewing and knitting projects just inspire me! They are so great. Also, I just noticed your coffee cozy in the sidebar and it’s quite possible we live in the same city… thanks for writing!
It’s nice to read these thoughts from someone else because I have them too. The failing thoughts specifically. We had a bad morning. I’m trying so hard to move on. To do better. It’s a tough job, isn’t it?
I’m one who thinks a little venting never hurt anyone (in fact, that is good for you). We all have those days. It’s good for kids to know their mama is human — who needs to grow up with an unrealistic vision of motherhood? š I hope things are looking up.
((hugs, erin))
What a relief to get a do-over, huh?
Accepting it and moving on; that’s the ticket. We’re all allowed to be human, thank goodness. Here’s to a better day.
xoxoxo
I had that day on Friday last week, and I was so glad that we were all able to start new the next day.
Good luck to you with your need to-s and want to-s.
Maybe we should lock all of our children in one house, and go have margaritas in the other. Huh?
Yes, I am grateful for tomorrows.
And you are a fantastic momma. Always. Even when you’re mad.
Erin, I feel like this a LOT with the girls…like I am failing them. I get frustrated so easily and end up feeling like a total meanie. I always keep in mind that it’s the parents who are always striving to do better that are the good ones. The minute I think I do everything right is probably the moment everything will go downhill.
Hugs, and that look on their faces when you see them after school will remind you that they think you are a pretty terrific mom. š
thank you for sharing the downs too; it’s nice to know that i’m not the only one in that boat!
what a difference a day makes…
i know you know how i feel on this whole subject of raising daughters. and i have those same “failing them” feelings.
thank goodness for a new day.
everyone’s lives seem so blissful online. Its good to know that im not alone in having off days. I have 4 daughters and the older they get the more challanges come my way. A fresh start is a wonderful thing and the picture of the flowers is beautiful
Oh, amen. Last night, my husband assured me that today was going to be just great. “How is it going to be great?! How do you even know that?”, was my reply.
“Because it’s a new day.”
Well, he was right about the new part. š And we just put one foot in front of the other and resolve to try again, right? And that is just great.
Thank you for being brave and vulnerable…and letting the cloudy days mix with the sunny at your house on the hillroad…Cuz it really encouraged this tired MomE…thank you for letting me know that bad parenting days happen to all of us…
I never believe that any mom is living in a bed of roses, so you don’t have to worry about that from this end. Mostly I think blogs _should_ be happy places, where we take a break and listen to reasonable people (a.k.a. adults) talk about lovely things. It is nice every once in a while, though, to do a “you know my life’s imperfect, right?” post. š Hang in there, woman.
you’ve got some pretty good coments above. i concur. you’re a pretty great woman to recognize where you are “at”. it’s the toughest job there is. hang in there. xx
at least there is a hope for a “new” tomorrow! Keep rocking the boat Erin.
I have those days more often that I like to admit sometimes. And I do just like you are doing – I start over again the next day. I try to remember what I am grateful for at the beginning of each day and again and the end of the day. It helps me focus on the important stuff.
I’m sorry you had a rough day, but glad you’ve gotten so many great comments. I have a son and a daughter and although I love them dearly, they drive me absolutely batty sometimes (often, actually). I read a really good book last year: The Blessing of a Skinned Knee. I work in a K-8 school and the faculty and staff read it together during the summer. Nice perspective on raising children. Hang in there!
Any day you can wake up and get out of bed is a good day. Another chance to do good, be good, make something better. So, a not-so-good-day every once in a while just keeps us from taking this for granted and reminds us we’re not perfect. You’re a strong woman — you’ve been doing alot of new things — you’re just having some aches and pains adjusting “the balance” to accomodate the new stuff. Have faith, it will happen.
I have been feeling the same… its good to know that other people sometimes feel this way too. I always appreciate your take on things so much! And I love that you put this out there, its so encouraging.
I’m a veteran mom of four very nice young adults, and I found over the years that if you love your kids unconditionally, it will all work out. Some days will wear you down and some days will have you walking on air. That’s just the nature of parenting. Remember to be in the moment whenever possible.
Check out today’s posting on my blog if you’re looking for some perspective….
if nothing else fails, you’ve got a beautiful bouquet of ronuculus to look at. I think they may be my favorite flowers. OFFICIALLY.
Dealing with the hard things is quite a challenge. My buddhist friend referred to the difficult days as ‘mind clouds’. Clouds in the sky come and go, slowly across the sun. You can even see them coming, but sometimes you can even see where they end. They block the sun, but its still there. Just close your eyes for a moment and picture the gray clouds moving from west to east.
It doesn’t always work in the moment…but sometimes it’s a nice meditation š
I know what you feel.
And it seems that many blogging ladies have been telling us this on these days…
Maybe if your family is not exactly happy by the end of the day, what can keep you smiling in a way is that you gave your best just by trying and thinking about these things, and giving them the attention they require. Sometimes, thinking this way does a lot of good to my depressed-mother-side at the end of the day. And thinking about the possibilities of the new day to come too!!
Just think, you get to wake up next to me every morning. How could you find a better way to start each day?
It happens! Some days I get such a rant/rave going….
And when they were (finally, in my house) asleep, didn’t you want to go in and wake them up? š
I am grateful for new days and new starts. I have two daughters also and at times I struggle with parenting them best way possible(I know for sure they keep me on my knees š
I just keep trying and holding onto grace.
Thanks for sharing.
We’ve all been thereārepeatedly. Today for me. Thank goodness for a new day every day!
But do you ever have two of those days in a row or is it just me?
Gosh I appreciate reading this post. I catch every virus in town (cancer survivor) and when I’m sick is when I feel most like a failure. I am tired and impatient and when I’m tired and impatient, he is impossible. I fail him and I fail myself and I never get over a sickness in 24 hours. It makes me sad.
I do try to have the fresh start thing every day, or I wouldn’t have gotten through my life so far. It’s all we can really do! Besides be kinder to ourselves, I’ve noticed my son forgives me way more easily than I forgive myself…
Phew–I feel so relieved. Now we can all admit that we’ve been there too. My oldest just turned 16 today–this parenting thing just gets harder and harder, but sweet and rewarding at the same time. Does that make sense?
me too erin, me too.
such honest words, and such a wonderful reminder. hugs to you my friend!
Is a full moon approaching? I felt like this all day today…here’s hoping tomorrow is better and brighter! <3
I think you’re as human as the rest of us. I’d hate you if you were perfect! š Love the flowers. Rinunculas?
Hang in there..it just means that you are a caring and normal parent ..frustration is the name of the game..I found talking to my friend, whose children are a little older than mine, as a way to cry, laugh anad realize that you are not alone!!
The comments above clearly show that we are not alone. Thanks so much for sharing!
Wishing you calm…
we all have the supernanny moments. And we all put forth the happy face. i appreciate your candor. know that we are all having a similar experience here on planet earth…and if your feeling it then we probably are too. hang in there. you have support.
This post only tells good things of you…we’re all trying, we all are humans…
Everyone has those days and it just goes to show that you are a good parent that cares because you worry, hey we’re human, we care….mothers are programmed that way. Some parents don’t even try or care much. I know this because I see kids affected by it at school.
Like you said, you can try again tomorrow, but I’ll bet today was just fine, just ask your kids.
wonderful post – thank you for sharing the dark side….
I appreciate your openness…we all have days like that and probably moments like that in most days. Your girls are so lucky to have you as their mom.
Very sensible philosophy. Mine seem to forever want more from me than I am capable of giving – perhaps I’ll achieve it tomorrow.
I can safely say that its a good job every day is a new day around here – or I’d be in real trouble! We all have those parenting moments. All we can do is do the best we can.
xMx
xoxo to you! I know every parent can relate to your feelings….I certainly do. Thank goodness for the gift of a new day! =)
You are in good company. We all have those moments, especially as the kids get older… parenting is a hard job…and it’s on the job training, and always changing.
Some days I wish that I could go back to the early days where all the kids needed was a nice long nursing session and a little cuddle… things seemed so much easier back then.
oh, erin, me too. when I first started blogging I pledged to keep it positive. No one wants to listen to me whine. And dang, kids are just HARD sometimes. xo.
How timely this is. Thank you for expressing those words. It was the same day for me too. With Spring Break and Dh away on business, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and when I feel there is no cooperation from the kids, then it “must be a reflection of my parenting.” I try my best, and as long as they are alive and put to bed at the end of the day, I have had a good day. As my 5-year-old son says whenever he gets a bump or a bruise, “I’m fine. I’m still alive.”
By now everyone knows I am a doubter when it comes to motherhood, so I can completely relate. It’s hard for me not to stand there and just think “I have no clue what to do about all of this!”
The best advice I have for myself is something I learned when I was teaching. I tell myself this “I am the captain of this ship. When it’s going badly, *I* have the power to change direction.” And I don’t mean that in a life altering way. Sometimes it means deciding to just have ice cream for dinner, sometimes it means deciding to say yes all day instead of no, sometimes it means giving myself permission to tell the half pint that he is driving me absolutely crazy and I need a moment of quiet so I can get my whits about me.
Anyway, here’s to a better day today!
On days like that I always think of Anne of Green Gables. She said, “Tomorrow is always fresh – with no mistakes in it.”
you know what, if all of the days were great days (for us and for our kids), how would any of us know that it was a great day? we would have nothing to compare them to. i say fight battles you can win and enjoy the good days. you are doing a great job and your kids will learn heaps from your honesty
Looks like they still had the flowers…aren’t they beautiful. I am getting more on my way home.
See, today is a beautiful day in the ‘Ville, and you can look forward to a wonderful weekend!
m
It’s nice to know that I am not alone! Let it out sister … it is a new day!
Great post. It’s HARD to have young kids — I’m in the middle of it too. There are days that are just head-banging. Thankfully, they are tempered by the little, precious moments of sweetness.
you have no idea how i resonate with this post, especially that first paragraph!!! thanks so very much for your honesty about the reality of the day to day.
I so know how you feel! I love your blog and your frankness. take care
I think you and I were singing the same chorus yesterday {not about the parenting part} but about “each day is new”. That makes me happy, this blogging community makes me happy. Thanks Erin. š
I’ve always loved Anne Shirley’s line about each day beging new, with no mistakes in it… yet…
Life is about 2nd chances, and 3rd chances, and 4th, if at first you don’t succeed and all that. There are so many children in this world being raised without such good intentions, your children are so very, very, blessed to have a mother who tries, tries, and tries again to do her very best for them!
Shake off yesterday, take one (or 2) of those deep cleansing breaths, and put on a smile. Enjoy this day, enjoy your children, enjoy your parenting.
Have a good one!
Everyone has good days and bad days, and the important thing is to teach our children how to deal with the ups as well as the downs. Mom guilt is a strong emotion, but it is important that we blog about the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is all an important part of life. Thanks for sharing with us!
It’s the trying that makes the impact later on–nobody gets it right all the time, but trying hard leaves a long impression. That’s what I remember from my parents, flaws and all, and that’s what I hope my kids remember from me–that I cared enough to try my hardest, even though I failed a lot!
I hope your new day is a better one!
S-L-O-W D-O-W-N, friend. You do so much for others. Take care of yourself. š
Sending you big Hugs from one mom to another.
I’m sure almost ever mother out there has those day. Where we question ourselves and see things that makes us wonder many thoughts. I know I’ve had my share, even to the point of tears. If you think about it, for you to feel the way you wrote in your post means you care deeply for those girls and things go. That in itself is a “GREAT” mom. Take a deep breathe, laugh a lot (even if it’s forced) and yeah tomorrows another day. Those sweet little children won’t remember a few bad days.
I have those kind of days more often than I would like to admit. I just must tell myself what I tell my kids. Do this best that you can in the moment you are in. If the best is’nt your shining moment – so be it- You gave it all you got. Parenting is hard we are all in together! Have a great day!
Jennifer
I think half my week consists of days like these. Nipper is so good at nursery and a little terror when at home with me. Was it Scarlet O’Hara who said ‘tomorrow is another day’? That’s definitely the motto in our house.
Oh girl … I haven’t read your blog in two days, but have been thinking of you constantly for those two days – knowing a return phone call is long overdue.
I like Caroline’s idea … think maybe we should plan a decadent lunch out – one that may involve a glass of wine (two?), while the kids are at school … we can talk and laugh about how none of us are perfect, we all have these days & how you’re so not alone. It’s a great post.
hugs to you erin. and bravo to you too, for posting this, and for reminding us all that it is a new day, every day, and we are all doing our best. XO
I’m sorry that you had an icky parenting day! I hope that today is better š
dude, i am failing at this mothering thing.
faaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiilllllllliiiiiinnnnnnnggggg.
seriously, i’m working outragous hours to provide for my kids, but the cost is them not having nearly enough of me and my attention and gentle nudging rather than the whole “why are you up from the table? you’re not done with your homework! SIT DOWN.” argh, sometimes i just wanna slap myself.
I know exactly how you feel.Yesterday ended with my littlest one apologising for making me feel like a slave. An apology that made me feel so guilty. x
It’s hard to know what to blog. There are days I want to pour it all out and explain that daughter number one is a never-ending stream of demands even when I have not eaten for hours or have been helping her the whole day… or that daughter number two is unhappy 77 percent of the day no matter how much love and service we give her, that all she will eat is chocolate or corn syrup, and that she drives me so crazy sometimes that I stop talking to all of them for a while and go for a drive.
I try to blog the bright and shiny parts too, because there are those. And that is what we want to remember, to reflect upon mostly, to share, to celebrate, to build upon.
We give it all and that will be enough. We have to remember to take care of ourselves too. I think when we get that feeling that we are failing them or not offering something… that is when we have forgotten ourselves too much already in the day.
Put the air mask on yourself first and then assist the child… it always sounds funny but the truth is we have to take care of ourselves enough so we are energetic and full of breath, full of life to support the kids.
Obviously this is the longest commet ever so I will go now. š
I totally understand about the kids and I still love to see what you sew and what you photograph. I know your life is real like mine but we aren’t lying to blog on the sunny parts mostly.
i’m so grateful for a fresh start. sometimes we need them here several times a day. i too have those times when i really feel like i’m coming up short as a parent, but then there are those moments where i feel like i’ve really been there for my kids in just the way they needed and feel like it will all be okay.
been a bad day here and to sit for a few quite moments in blogland has helped. Especially reading this post, thanks for sharing and your honesty. We all go through it….